I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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