I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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