We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
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She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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