Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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