a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
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I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What happened to fro yo and sex?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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