Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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