if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
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I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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