Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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