I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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