i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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