you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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