but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize