I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
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I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
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im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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