sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize