take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize