so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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