Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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