I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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