Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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