Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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