How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize