when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
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Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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