Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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