woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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