i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
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how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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