so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
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To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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