so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
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How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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