Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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