We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize