I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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