I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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