you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
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I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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