I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
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Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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