I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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