I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
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I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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