I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
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he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
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Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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