So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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