I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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