My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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