You made me cry and you don't even care
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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