I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
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currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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