I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize