Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"

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  (215): Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up" http://tfl.nu/ev4p
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  (805): View more from California

  im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking

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  (805): im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking http://tfl.nu/diqd
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.

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  (706): Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully. http://tfl.nu/qn1h
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.

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  (630): dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead. http://tfl.nu/dy9t
  Replies (23) Good night (4537) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.

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  (310): it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls. http://tfl.nu/2hrl
  Replies (30) Good night (10339) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?

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  (443): i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single? http://tfl.nu/navn
  Replies (35) Good night (6763) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?

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  (419): This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream? http://tfl.nu/farl
  Replies (21) Good night (6362) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe

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  (712): it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe http://tfl.nu/5ing
  Replies (14) Good night (3533) Bad night (1247) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.

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  (925): Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you. http://tfl.nu/15wm
  Replies (19) Good night (6252) Bad night (902)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.

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  (903): She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her. http://tfl.nu/v3pj
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n

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  (616): at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n http://tfl.nu/8ho6
  Replies (6) Good night (1247) Bad night (642)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined

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  (207): I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined http://tfl.nu/df5k
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here

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  (503): i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here http://tfl.nu/1c81
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  (714): View more from California

  I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?

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  (714): I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what? http://tfl.nu/ezau
  Replies (7) Good night (1102) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"

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  (252): You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!" http://tfl.nu/xz2t
  Replies (5) Good night (403) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt

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