Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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