Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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