i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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