I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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