i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
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She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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