you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
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The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
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You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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