I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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